so, what is carbon?

When I was home for Thanksgiving, my parents were running errands and I went along with them.  I brought my Orgo notes to review, I think I might've had an exam coming up (I doubt I was already studying for the final).  As we stopped at one of our many destinations, I showed them my pretty notes with neatly-drawn diagrams and extraordinarily long names for the compounds drawn.  They saw my extensive notes on various concepts, and I felt proud of myself for knowing I wrote all of that crazy stuff that looked like it could've been a foreign language.  Then Dear Old Dad (don't worry, he likes that name...well, sorta) asked, somewhat jokingly, "So, Mandy, what is carbon?"  I laughed nervously and fumbled with words and then it hit me as the words sort of 'fell' out of my mouth. [picture: my collection of chemistry books that are from outside the course.  The two really old ones are from The Book Thing, the free bookstore in Baltimore!]

I have no idea.

Sure, it's an element, it has the ability to make four bonds, it's the backbone of many important compounds, and it's the basis for the entire field of Organic Chemistry.  But that doesn't really answer the question, does it?  And yeah, I could easily build him all kinds of molecules with my molecular modeling set, I could tell him about its atomic mass, atomic number, etc. But I'm still not answering the question.  It's such a simple, straightforward question, and I--a student of Organic Chemistry--couldn't answer him!

After that, I promised my dad that I would find him an answer.  Whenever we spoke on the phone and chemistry came up, he'd ask "So did you figure it out yet?"  And I'd always laugh and tell him "No, not yet.  But I'm working on it."  I actually was working on it, too.  Not just studying the material for my final exam, but trying to grasp the most fundamental and basic concepts that were the basis for all of this higher material I was learning.

So I kind of freaked out.  I mean, here I was, studying for my final exam, without any way of answering what carbon is.  I loved the class so much that I had become  very intrigued by the idea of a chemistry major...but I still couldn't answer that question!  It was frustrating and hilarious at the same time.  I spent a little too long grappling with the idea and ended up not doing so well on the final...but I walked away from my first semester knowing what it was I had to do in order to succeed in a course.  Even though I still didn't know what carbon is.  :)

I had quite a few conversations with Mike about how all of chemistry is this giant illusion and a big made-up science.  Atoms?  Orbitals? They're all arbitrary.  At least that's what I kept arguing.  "IT'S ALL MADE UP!  WHY ARE THEY DECEIVING US?" I constantly questioned.  The more important question, I came to realize, was why was I allowing myself to be deceived? [picture: Benzene ring with my modeling kit...I love that thing]

After a lot of frustrations and disappointments with concepts I didn't understand and problems I couldn't solve, I decided to re-learn the basics.  Make sure I understood those and build up slowly from there.  This was supposed to be my Intersession project (for myself).  I didn't exactly devote a lot of time to it then, but last week while studying chemistry, I closed up the book and went online in search of answers.  And guess what?  After an entire semester of quiet confusion I refused to admit or acknowledge, I FIGURED IT OUT!

I called my parents and told everyone I talked to that evening that I now understood the key to the universe.  (In case you haven't guessed, it's CARBON).  And yes, I'm being a bit of a chemistry nerd here by drawing the metaphor you're about to read, but it was a big realization for me.  Carbon = life.  Go ahead and laugh for a few minutes, and feel free to make fun of me next time you see me (or in the comments section of my blog). 

Now you're thinking, "She can't be serious.  Did she actually write an entire blog and come to the corny conclusion that the beginning chapter of all chemistry books contains?"  (You know, those books that devote the first chapter to how the science is the foundation for...well...everything?).  And yes, I did.  BUT, for me, it has a higher meaning.  By finally getting over my stubbornness and realizing that I don't have any idea what I'm reading about in my textbook, I learned what is actually happening beneath all the layers of complexity the book has built up.  I finally get it!   

Okay this has been a very long and rambling blog about Organic Chemistry.  But my point is that I don't just memorize anymore, I understand.  I've figured out how to learn.  I approach chemistry in an entirely different way now.  And I'm still very enthralled by the idea of a chem major.  "So does this mean you'll actually do well on exams this semester," my parents might question.  My answer:  nope.  Not automatically.  But it DOES mean that I'll actually be learning.  I'll have to keep working as hard as I can because understanding doesn't make the class any easier.  It does, however, make it much more enjoyable.  [picture: once I figured it out, I took the sloppy messy notes from it and posted it on my wall as a constant and lovely reminder.  I occasionally add to it.]

P.S.  I bet you're wondering what carbon is now.  You were probably expecting me to tell you, since that's what this post is all about.  But why would I deprive you of the joy of figuring it out for yourself? :)

Comments

O Carbon. One of my favorite elements....What would we do without it?

[Jessica Kraus]

congratulations on your discovery!

ps best blog of the year...and i'm not even a natural sciences major!

[JHU_Stefanie]

I agree with Jessica. Best blog ever! I don't even like science and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire entry. :)