live and learn

Greetings from the other side of several very busy weeks!  While I'd love to say that it's all downhill from here, that's definitely not the case.  Allow me to offer a brief account of what has been going on in my life this semester.  I'm about to divulge details of my personal life, but I think it's potentially useful to any prospective students (or incoming students) who would like to hear both sides of the "spectrum," so to speak.  DISCLAIMER: it may seem like I'm whining about my grades, but there is a point!

It's been a rough semester for me, and that's a bit of an understatement.  I'll spare you from a long sob story, but the gist of it is this: despite my strongest efforts (and then some), I'm struggling with my classes, due to chronic migraines that require a daily battle just to function.  Please don't interpret that as self-pity;  it's something I've come to terms with a long time ago and have just recently been able to recognize the fact that maybe serious pain affects schoolwork (...no kidding, huh?). 

Anyway, after I was dissatisfied with my grades on the first round of midterms, I challenged myself to re-evaluate the ways I study.  It was quite a challenge to constantly ask myself, "Is this really a good way to use my time?" especially because I was doing things the way I had always done them.  I worked extremely hard and felt like I was making the best of my study time, which is absolutely necessary since study time can, at any point, be cut short if I let the headache win.  I felt pretty good about things, but guess what?  I seemed to have forgotten that I'm taking other courses. 

After working harder than I've ever worked before, I was still very disappointed with my grade on the next exam.  Okay, "disappointed" is an understatement.  After a pity party, I decided it was time to ask for help (gasp!). 

I've always been stubborn, and while I have been seeing a professor for help, I decided to take it a step further.  I met with the Associate Dean of Student Life who gave me advice as to what my options are for this semester, as well as what I can do in the future, then I met with my professor to discuss my exam.  While I was frustrated with myself for waiting this far into the semester, they both commended me for being assertive and not waiting until a year or two down the road.  Good point, I figured.  It could always be worse. 

So now here I am, about four weeks from the end of the semester, and the end of my freshman year.  I've taken to learning things the hard way, and while I could sit here and wish on every last star that I had done "this," "that," or "the other," the most important thing is that I have learned.  Yes, of course I've learned that F = ma (right, Dad?); Gillman reagents tend to add 1,4 on the enol; fume hoods exist for a reason and it is a very good idea to keep dichloromethane in one; etc. 

However, some of my most important lessons were personal.  I'm learning how to learn, and in the process finding out more about myself.  While it would have been much more convenient to have done this before taking such difficult courses, I can guarantee that I will NEVER forget these hard-learned lessons.  Always be open and never stop questioning yourself: the most important thing I've learned this year.